De gustibus non disputandum est. – About tastes, there should be no arguing. (Latin proverb)
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First, the disclaimer: I am not a professional cook, nor have I had any culinary training of any sort. I learned the basic cooking skills that I have simply because I like to eat, and I discovered that cooking was an enjoyable creative outlet for me. After spending the better part of a decade cooking for and with my wife, who is a vegetarian, I got to thinking that I had a developed a few techniques and ideas that made meatless cuisine appealing not only to her but also to me with my rabid, carnivorous instincts. I figured there might be others out there in a similar situation who would be interested in sharing ideas. Hence, this blog.
Being in this sort of relationship (Is there a term for this yet? “Alterivorous”? “Heterophagous”?) has caused me to reflect on that mantra of the “foodie” movement of the last few decades: Eating is a political act. Depending on how you define the word “political”, this is either a good thing or a rather distressing one.
At the risk of painfully elaborating the obvious, eating together allows us to share experiences, to form bonds, to develop a sense of companionship, of heritage, of identity. The social nature of food’s cultivation, preparation and enjoyment serves to join us as members of a community, a polis. Hence, eating is a political act in a good sense: It’s part of what brings us together as people.
But eating can also be political in the sense of quarrelsome, contentious and ideologically fraught. With 6.5 billion mouths to be fed on this planet, never has the production and consumption of food been a more delicate or important topic, and there are hundreds of different answers to the question of what we should eat. As with any political situation, there are moderates, diehards, extremists and lunatic fringes.
Throwing a simple dinner party, then, can be an ideological as well as culinary minefield: One guest might be vegetarian, another vegan; another might not eat “red meat”, another might eat only meat that is humanely and sustainably raised. Somebody might eat only “meat and potatoes”. This guest keeps kosher, another is on the Atkins diet. This guest is allergic to peanuts, that one to wheat.
This is not to denigrate or trivialize any of these quite legitimate preferences, desires, doctrines or medical needs. Quite the opposite, in fact, but I merely want to underscore the anxiety that can strike the home cook when inviting friends over for a meal. The cook who simply wants to bring people together with his/her food can often feel that it is the food itself that erects barriers between them. It’s enough to deter one from entering the kitchen in the first place.
That, as I see it, is a problem, and I’d like to advocate for a sense of fun, of exploration and of joy in cooking and eating—of getting back in the kitchen and having a good time. Food should be a source of relaxation, of refreshment, of comfort, of happiness, of gathering around the table and sharing—and it still can be.
So, if there is anything remotely resembling an agenda in The Militant Carnivore Cooks For His Vegetarian Wife (and that is a dubious proposition), it is this: A willingness to try new things, a respect for different ideas, a celebration of the fact that no people appreciate things in exactly the same way—these are the foundation for great cooking (and, perhaps, for great politics, too). Narrow-mindedness, proselytizing, inflexible dogmatism—these are not companionable tablemates. Life’s too short, and there’s too much good food to eat.
People often ask my wife and me how we manage to eat together. This question puzzles us: She eats what she likes, I eat what I like, and we share what we both like. Neither of us tries to “convert” the other. (Again, life’s too short.) We know we’re not alone, so this blog is for every Militant Carnivore who’d like to see more vegetarian options at steakhouses, burger joints and barbecue shacks so that he or she can bring his non-meat-eating wife/husband/whomever along. It’s for everyone who wants to try some new twists on old favorites. It’s for those who enjoy cooking and enjoy eating and don’t let politics ruin their appetite.
I’m eager to hear from you with comments and suggestions. I’d like to make this blog helpful, educational, enjoyable and fun. Please share it with the Militant Carnivores, Lovely Vegetarians and Happy Eaters of all stripes in your life.
Loved the corn chowder recipe! Keep up the good work.
Just found your blog. I find myself in the same situation militant carnivore cooking for my veg wife. I love to cook and am always looking for inspiration for things to make for my wife. Also must say I agree steakhouses need more veg options so my wife doesn’t have to stare at me as I devour a side of beef. Keep up the good work